Transcendence

“I would never be able to survive without Beh with me. I wouldn’t even want to live if she were no longer here.”

I have a lot of love for this book. 

Let’s be real here, not a lot happens in this story. 

There is practically no dialogue.

The romance is a slow burn.

And the ending took a weird ass turn.

But you know what? I don’t care. 

This book was wonderful. 

“I didn’t understand how lonely I had been until I had her.”

The love story in this, Ehd’s internal musings about Beh and how wonderful she is, tugged on my heartstrings so hard.

I had a smile on my face for the first 70% of this. Ehd is hilarious. The way he learns and adapts to Beh and what she wants and needs is hilarious. The way he always wants to “put a baby” in Beh is funny and his joy when he finally succeeds is just adorable. 

“I also hope that by then she will let me mate with her because spending the winter trying to give her a baby is something I really want to do.”

Speaking of “putting a baby” in Beh, FAR OUT these sexy scenes were amazing. I salute you, Shay Savage, you sure do have a way with sexy words. 

The last 30% took a more somber turn and I was an ugly crying mess at the very end. I haven’t cried that hard since the first time I watched The Notebook. This gave me all the feels.

I’m docking half a star because the explanation as to how Beh got there seemed to come out of the blue and the end of the story was a little rushed for my liking, but I could barely see the pages through my tears by that stage so I’m not judging too harshly. 

I loved this.

I want to read it again and again. Caveman luuuurve is a winner in my eyes. 

4.5 luffs-khizz Stars

“I wonder what I will do if she doesn’t wake up, and I don’t have an answer. As I lie back down next to her and pull her into my arms, my stomach growls and suddenly I know what I will do. If she doesn’t wake up, then I will just lie here with her until I don’t wake up either.”

Black Iris

“I’ve tried so many ways to be normal. I just want to be myself for a little while.”

This one hit me hard.

I actually had to take a break somewhere in the middle of reading it, because some of the deep, dark, filthy, dirty stuff that Laney thinks, does, and regrets, echoed so deeply within my own soul that I had to look away for a minute to put myself back together.

This is not an easy book to read. It is not an easy book to experience. It is not an easy book to review.

“You’re the last bright thing left in this world.” 

There is nothing inherently likeable about this book. There is nothing inherently enjoyable about this book either. It’s like watching a bloody car wreck, you watch these characters make horrible decisions, break people and things and destroy themselves, and yet it is so vivid you can’t bear to look away. And yet even with all this despair and destruction, there are these stunning glimpses into the human condition, love, life and this place we call the world.

“There’s something inside me that spins too fast. Sometimes it makes me crazy.”

The writing in this was positively poetic. It was incredibly evocative and brutally beautiful. There were often entire passages that were quote worthy, and hit so close to home that it often made me wonder if Leah Reader was sitting inside my brain watching the way things were working in there and transcribing what was going on.

“Falling for someone is like pulling a loose thread. It happens stitch by stitch.”

This book, simply put, is a mind fuck. It deals with depression, mental illness, sexuality and gender identity, substance abuse along with a myriad of other hard hitting and heavy topics. But it never makes light of any of them. It acknowledges how big these issues are, how broken we are, how broken the world is and paints a picture of one fractured soul trying to claw her way out of a dark hole and make herself something better and overcome the circumstances that she finds herself in.

“When you touch me it feels so cold. As if you’re touching a chess piece, thinking about your next move.”
“I am, you’re the white knight.”

There was an ominous sense of foreboding in this from the very first page, but this was a riveting read that touched me more deeply than I think I can possibly express. It’s messed up, it’s crazy, it’s stupid, it’s psychotic, it’s wonderful and I think even if it is tough to do so, it is something that everyone should experience.

“Suffering is the only honest response to this life.”

I am not giving full marks here, purely because I am not a poetry lover and sometimes found the poetry geekage a little overwhelming and this caused me to have a disconnect with this story, these characters and this world. That is my only criticism, however.

This is a book that smiles at you, while it is stabbing you in the back. It gave me all the feelings. Proceed with caution, but please, proceed.

4.5 nothing-hurts-more-than-being-alive Stars

Endgame

I have been sitting on this for a few days, trying to sort out my feelings and I’m still a big ball of I don’t know what the hell just happened?

This story focuses on Volera, a young woman who is living in a dystopian world and is paid to play this world’s version of video games. These games are fully immersive and interactive and you are connected to electrodes and all sorts of weird other things while you play. Sounds like a dream, right? Well why does Vol keep blacking out? Who is the mysterious new Moderator of play and why does he seem so interested in her? What is going on?

Does anyone remember the movie Existenz? That is the vibe I got from this book from the very beginning.

First things first, I have had this book on my to-read list for ages, and although I was doing my Indie August Challenge, this book completely slipped my mind and I jumped into Fearscape as my pick of Nenia’s for this challenge. But when Seanilicious added this and I realized I could fit another book into my challenge, I did exactly that. But I am sad to say that unlike my love of Fearscape (and Gavin, especially Gavin) this was not a hit for me.

Let’s make a shit sandwich shall we?

The bottom slice of bread:

Catan. Oh Catan! Yep. I’ll have one of him please. Nenia, you write such wonderfully mysterious, dick-ish and yet loveable male leads.

“Since you are so intent on not engaging me in our world, I’m going to pursue you in yours.”

Vol and Catan’s interactions were often hilarious and had me laughing out loud. Vol’s wit is fantastic and she uses it to her advantage.

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew who I am”
“Trust me, I’ve seen an asshole before.”

The filling of the sandwich:

This had many spelling, grammar and editing errors that slipped through the cracks. I can let some slide, but these were numerous enough to annoy me.

I found that the beginnings of the game play sequences were a little long winded. Sure, when playing a game you will be taking a look around and checking out your surroundings, but most of the time I thought the descriptions were a little excessive.

There was also a bit of… what I will call Maze Runner-itis. There were several words that were used to describe characters without us having anything to reference them against. It’s all well and good to say things about a Selmerian character, but what does a Selmerian look like, and what traits does a Meridian have that a Bastani does not? I had trouble actually picturing the characters in my head because of this.

The top slice of bread:

Nenia is an excellent writer of tension. The foreboding feeling of this really gave me a sense of urgency to get to the end to figure out what was happening. It kept me turning the pages and engaged.

BUT – That ending. Nope. Nope. Nope. Information overload. Too much, too late. Nope. Did not enjoy. It didn’t feel finished.

Overall, this was interesting and engaging but it had its flaws. I won’t be continuing this series, I’ll stick to the Horrorscape series instead, because that is much more my style.

3 break-my-heart-Catan Stars

“I’m giving you until I finish my drink to change your mind.”
“And then?”
“We see if your heart can stand to be broken a little more.”

Thanks for the buddy read Seanilicious A.K.A The Wizard Of Schnoz!

I’m friends with Nenia on Goodreads, this has in no way affected my rating.

Mutineer : Alexis Carew #2

WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO READ THIS?

WHYYYYYYYY??

Ermegerd.

I pre-ordered this straight after reading the first book, and for some reason I let it sit in my e-reader for months and months. I have no idea why on earth it took me so long to get to this, but I am SO GLAD I put this in my Indie August Challenge. This was AWESOME.

The writing in this, it is better than the first novel, I really enjoyed the first novel Into The Dark, but this one. THIS ONE I LOVED.

Alexis. ALEXIS!

You. Are. My. Hero. 

You are so strong, so resilient, so bloody amazing. No matter what the disgusting Captain Neals threw at you, you would not break. You gain the trust of the crew of your ship by being a hard worker and not letting the pieces of shit who bully you to within an inch of your sanity, ever see you crying or weak.

“I know your kind. Spread your legs and lure good, honest men to do your bidding – well I’ll not have it about my ship, do you hear me?”

Captain Neals, along with just about every other Officer aboard the H.M.S Hermione, deserve to burn in the fiery pits of hell. Their actions and inactions towards Alexis and the rest of the crew are inexcusable. It has been a long time since I have hated a character so intensely. I think Captain Neals is a grown up version of Joffrey Baratheon. I want to stab him in all the places imaginable, and then do it all again.

“Are you sure you didn’t miss orders to return to your proper place? Some kitchen perhaps? A proper husbands bed?”

If you have never given an indie book a shot before, I implore you, start with this series. If you read indie books all the time, I urge you to try this one. If you just want an awesome book to read, I recommend you pick up this series.

This book. I laughed. I cried. I loved. This book had it all. I love it. Give me the next one now please.

ALEXIS IS THE BEST

LOVE YOU 4EVA ALEXIS

5 I-kneel-for-my-Queen-and-no-other Stars

“A man may do a thing, a woman may do a thing… so long as the thing is done well, who is to be concerned that it was a man or a woman who did the thing?”

The Camelot Shadow

Dear Sean,

When I was growing up and my parents would make weird things for dinner (and by weird I mean stuff like red wine stew that my young taste buds could not yet appreciate) I came up with a politically correct way of saying I didn’t like it, and that phrase was “It’s not my favorite.” This, or simply drowning whatever was put in front of me with tomato sauce, was a sure fire way of telling my parents not to make that concoction again. 

Since I do not want to douse my e-reader with tomato sauce, I’m going to have to say that much like red wine stew to 10 year old me, this book was not my favorite. 

To be brutally honest, for the first 50% of this book, the only thing that kept me reading, was the promise of another Nicolas Cage worthy quote to put in my reading progress. There were so many characters, so many point of views, and yet nothing seemed to be happening. This was me for most of the first half of the book:



I had to set myself little goals to keep reading, and when I got to those goals, my reward was a Nicolas Cage picture. YAY.



At about page 200, things started to ramp up and I was excited to see what would happen. And bloody hell Sean, this is also about the time you turned into George R.R. Martin on us, is no character of yours safe? 



While I understand now, that the first half of the book was setting up all the information and drama needed to unfold the epic finale, there were times when I nearly gave up reading, because I was worried that although all of this back story and set up was beautifully written, it wasn’t ever going to end up getting us anywhere. 



Truth be told, I wanted more Beaumont. I wanted more Trusty John. They were excellent in a creepy and psychopathic way. I loved Henry. What a character! I also enjoyed Alfred and Will’s relationship, but Alfred’s inability to ever press for answers became rather annoying, I am all for keeping up appearances, but his often quixotic nature was self detrimental most of the time. 

This story had a little bit of everything in the end, it had adventure, it had intrigue, it had heartbreak and it really left me reeling at some points at the end there.



The best thing about this book is its writing. Sean, you really do have a way with words. Sure, you sometimes use too many, they are purple as fuck and I often had to google the meaning of some things, but overall this is a well written tale. 



I feel like I gained brain cells with every paragraph I read of this, whereas I lost brain cells for every paragraph I read of this alien smut.



What this boils down to is that it’s not you, Camelot Shadow, it’s me. I like paranormal romance, creepy stalker books and alien smut. And while there are some supernatural elements at play here and the plot was driven by Alfred’s desire to cure his ill wife, in the end, it’s not my favorite . 

While this was not my cup of tea, I’m sure there are many out there who will enjoy this Sherlockian adventure tale with an Arthurian twist. 

A lovely addition to my Indie August Challenge.

3 fridays-are-very-agreeable-days Stars



I am friends with Sean, this in no way affected the rating I have given.

Golden

“Hanna was a shining bit of good in an otherwise shadow filled world.”

Something tickled my fancy when I read the blurb for this book. And then by the time I got around to reading it, I couldn’t remember what that something was, and I didn’t know what to expect. That is definitely the best way to go into this book. 

I’m not going to give you a run down of the story, because going in blind, or with as little information as possible, is the best way to approach this. 

“Just take my word for it. William Vann is a bad guy.”

This book was wonderful. The mystery. The world. Even the insta-love. It was very, very enjoyable. I feel as if the last quarter of the story let the whole thing down a little, I think the big reveal could have been handled better. But the love story! Oh the love story. It was great, and definitely fairy tale worthy. 

“It could have been the carbon monoxide she’d inhaled, or it could have been the way he touched her, but he acted as if he cared about her.”

Hanna. She’s an interesting one. She might rub some people up the wrong way, she never pushes her family and friends hard enough for answers, in my opinion, but she always seems to want to do the “good” thing and never upset anyone. I found her family a little annoying, and her parents? Forget it, they don’t deserve that title. 

William. William! All I will say is “Yes Please!”

“A new wave of panic set in as he searched for another entrance. What if she was hurt? What if she was injured somewhere inside, surrounded by fire, flames flicking at her as if she were fuel? His chest compressed at the thought. They hardly knew each other and yet he couldn’t stand the thought of her helpless.”

The writing in this was efficient and easy to digest and there was some lovely social commentary scattered throughout the story which really made me stop and nod my head enthusiastically. For example:

“Thats why the internet was invented: so people can creep on other people and make sure the people they’re creeping on aren’t creeps themselves.”

There are plenty of convenient plot devices in this, there is drama in all the right places and the mystery was well done and I found watching it all unravel absolutely fascinating. 

“When she was around him, she felt like a charged battery. He made her feel alive, nervous, and almost every other sensation under the sun all at the same time.”

This is a little bit cheesy, a little bit mysterious and a lot enjoyable. 

Do you like fairy tales? Do you like Once Upon A Time? Do you like mystery? If so, you will like this book. 

I’m so glad I added this as part of my Indie August Challenge! 

3.5 be-difficult-with-me Stars

“She reached for his hand, shocked by the warmth that spread through her when she touched him. She felt connected to him, as though a part of her that had been missing could only be found by him.” 

Thank you kindly to Melinda Michaels for providing a free copy in exchange for an honest review!

Originally reviewed over at Little Pink Crayon!

Prince Of Thorns

“When in doubt, let your hate lead you.”

When I first picked this book up, I was taken aback by how brutal the opening pages were. Seriously, there is some fucked up shit at the start of this book, raping, pillaging, burning villages. It was in your face brutality, and although it was a giant slap in the face, I immediately thought of Joffrey from Game Of Thrones, and found that I was actually excited to get to know this villainous leading man, Jorg. Especially, because when we meet him, he is only thirteen! THIRTEENand he is raping women, pillaging villages and leading a band of outlaws. It’s pure madness and I enjoyed hating him.

“You can only win the game when you understand that it is a game. Let a man play chess, and tell him every pawn is his friend. Let him think both bishops holy. Let him remember happy days in the shadows of his castles. Let him love his queen. Watch him lose them all.”

What I was truly hoping for, was that this would be the darker, more sinister second cousin of Half A King, and the first half of this book was exactly that… It was fantastic to hear how remorseless and just a complete asshole Jorg was. 

“The way to break the cycle is to kill every single one of the bastards that fucked you over, every last one of them. Kill them all. Kill their mothers, kill their brothers, kill their children, kill their dog.”

And then I got hit in the face with a waft of romance , around 40% in. 

That is where this book went wrong for me. As soon as Katherine came along, this book became tedious. What should have taken me 2-3 hours to finish, turned into three days, because I just didn’t want to read it anymore. 

I’m not laying the blame completely on the romance though. The second half of this story is nowhere near as strong as the start, I feel like Mr. Lawrence tried to fit WAY too much in the second half and some of the plot twists that were revealed very late into this, were eye roll inducing. 

I’m upset. 

What does it say about me, that I wish this entire book was just about how much of a warmongering asshole Jorg was? I didn’t care for the… semi-redemption story line that appeared in the second half. I did enjoy the magic though.

I don’t know. This is a tough one. I honestly thought this would be a five star for me. But that second half. Urgh. I am curious to see where the story goes, so I may keep reading. But no promises. 

2.5 warmongering-asshole Stars

“War is a thing of beauty, and those who say otherwise are losing.”

Fearscape – Horrorscape #1

“Do you ever watch me? I mean out on the track, when I run?”

“Have you ever seen me watching you?”

This was the first book in my Indie August challenge, and I have to say, what a pick! 

I’m going to be totally honest here, I didn’t even read the blurb for this bad boy. I just knew I wanted to read something by Nenia and this one seemed to be a good place to start.

“I feel I could kill. I feel that I might like it. And I know that this should scare me.” 

GUYS. THIS WAS SO GOOD. 

This is the fascinating story of Valerian, a young woman in high school who is on the track team and is an aspiring artist, and her battle with a creepy creeper stalker. Who is her stalker? Can she trust the devastatingly handsome teaching assistant who seems to be going out of his way to make her like him? Everyone says he is insane, are the rumors true? And if they are, why does she still feel so drawn to him?

“You might say you bring out the animal in me.”

This was creepy as fuck. Seriously, within the first 10 pages I was thinking to myself “what the hell have I gotten myself into?” It was amazing. The ominous creepy feeling settled in early and did not leave for the entirety of the book. We are constantly questioning Val and Gavin’s relationship and what his motivations are.

“I don’t bite, Val. Not hard. Not unless I’m asked to.”

Gavin. Gavin. GAVIN! Oh what a character you are. You are a piece of work. You are complex. You are tricky and you are oh so creepy, but I love you. Some of my favorite parts of this book were your journal entries. Creep fest. You absolutely made this book. I feel like I know exactly what Valerian felt at the end of the book and I can’t wait to see where it goes in the next installments. 

“I sometimes think I’m more beast than man.”

Valerian. She isn’t your typical teenage protagonist. She is pretty mature for her young age, she loves animals (yes!) and is a creative at heart. I really warmed to her. Some of her decisions were a little silly at times, but in general, she was a fantastic character and I wanted her to find out the truth, figure out the big mystery of who her stalker was, and free herself from the creepiness that her life had taken on.

“And what if it had been drugged? What then?”

He wouldn’t do that. He’d want me awake.

Not a lot actually happens in this, it is very much about Valerian learning about herself, her friends and her life, but far out, the tension. The creep factor. It was so well done. I praise Nenia for her writing in this, her ability to weave such a creepy tale, is fantastic. 

“Can you feel the ties that bind us? Can you feel them tightening? Because I can, and they’re so tight that I can scarcely breathe.”

What a pleasant surprise this book was, I can’t wait to read the rest of the series. I want another dose of creepy creeper, as soon as possible.

4 if-I-love-Gavin-does-that-make-me-insane Stars

“You can’t escape from me, Valerian. I want you – and very soon I intend to catch you. To cage you. To make you mine. Forever.” 

I received a free copy of this book from Nenia in a giveaway on twitter. I am also friends with her on Goodreads. This in no way affected my rating.

Fighting Silence – A Buddy Read!

MMA new adult romance, are you trying to take MC romance’s place on my shit list? Why must you be so mediocre in the end? Is there an MMA romance out there for me to enjoy? Does my perfect MMA romance exist? These are the questions I am left with after finishing this book.

It makes my heart hurt to say this, but this ended up as just an okay read for me. If you followed my reading journey with this book, this may come as a surprise, because for the first 60% of the book, my heart was bursting with the cuteness, the love, the freaking adorableness of Till, Eliza and the Page boys. 

Starting off, this really gave me flashbacks to Better When He’s Bad because our characters were doing what they could with the little they had in life, but they were incredibly thankful for what meager things they managed to hold onto, in spite of all the shit life threw at them. The story of Till and Eliza falling in love was heart-burstingly cute. While I wasn’t a fan of the nickname “Doodle”, I thought it sounded weird most of the time, I really did appreciate Till’s love for Eliza. While he is a hard ass boxer, the softness he displays when he is with her, melted my heart. Its nice to have a hero with a softer side every now and again. 

“Truth be told, I’d have been happy to sit in an empty room for the rest of my life as long as he was sitting beside me.”

Surprisingly, the main draw card, and what should have set this story apart, Till losing his hearing, is what didn’t really work for me about this novel. I think, because it took so long for it to come to light, and then it seemed like it was used as purely a ploy to drum up drama, was what really bothered me. 

While we are talking about drama… What the hell is it with NA and having so much freaking drama? I’d be happy with one drama, maybe two. But this, it never ended. Just as I thought the book was winding down, we get MORE drama, purely to set up the next book. Urgh. 

There are also many unanswered questions in this book. What happened to their Dad? Where did their Mom go and will she be back to try to take the boys? What exactly happened to Flint?Why was it necessary to have everyone’s perspectives at the end of this novel? 

And another thing. Safe sex. I know I go on about this all the time, but STD’s are a real thing, so is unplanned pregnancy. It is reckless and stupid for people to have unprotected sex in real life, this NEEDS TO TRANSLATE TO LITERATURE TOO. There was so much unprotected sex in this, I nearly stopped reading. I don’t care how horny you are, how in love you are, or how the stars aligned so that you could be together right this bloody instant, get a fucking condom and protect yourself. 

I am constantly baffled by the NA genre, I really am. They start off being balls to the wall fantastic, and then the drama train comes into the station and shit just gets ridiculous/stupid/over dramatic. There is a reason I gave up reading NA last year, and if I continue to have such bad luck with this genre, I may have to give it up again. 

You know what? I thought this was going to get a better mark than REAL, I really did, but having reflected on my reading experience, I can’t rate it any higher. This was well written, and I thoroughly enjoyed the first 60% of this. But the final 40% killed it for me. Such a shame. 

3 climb-through-the-window Stars

“He couldn’t understand that leaving him would have killed me too. I couldn’t have done it even if the world suddenly caught fire. I would have died at his side before my legs would have carried me away.”

This was a buddy read with the lovely ladies over at Ab Loving Geishas ! 
Do you like abs? Do you like reading? Join our group 🙂

Indie August – Reading Challenge

I’m doing a reading challenge for the month of August!

I’m calling it Indie August and I am trying to read as many indie/self published books as possible for the entire month!

I have a list of books I have had either sitting on my to-be-read pile, or sitting unread in my e-reader for a while and I am going to try to get through them all.

My list so far is as follows:

Semi-Charmed: Isabel Jordan

 

Mutineer (Alexis Carew #2) : JA Sutherland

Camelot Shadow: A Novel : Sean Gibson

Fearscape (Horrorscape #1): Nenia Campbell

Golden: Melinda Michaels

Black 21: Nancy Glynn

Kissing Demons: Jen Winters

Want to join me? I love to buddy read, if you do too, hit me up on Goodreads here.

Have a recommendation for an AWESOME indie/self published book that I should read? Let me know, I’d love to hear about it!

Please note however, I do not guarantee I will get through all these, let alone any other recommendations, but I will do my best.

Happy Reading!